An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking old drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the old drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But […] More
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons […] More
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, I’ll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren’t any ducks out there, I’m not going hunting.” So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, “Well I’m not going to […] More
A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says: “I’ll be darned.” A local pastor heard him and said: You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off say: ‘Praise the Lord.’” So the next […] More
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on […] More
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran […] More
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When an old woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, “Let’s see now, there’s the twins, Sally and Billy, they’re eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re sixteen. And […] More
An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes. “Hello, toes.”, he said. “How are you? You know, you are92 today. Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, […] More
An old Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked….except for his boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?”, ask the one man Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off […] More
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they […] More
A little Johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar backwards. The little Johnny asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’ The little Johnny replied, ‘My Daddy is also a father, but he […] More
An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows. ‘Twenty pounds,’ she whispers. Paddy had never been with a hooker before but decides what the hell, it’s only twenty pounds. So they hid in the bushes. They’re going ‘at it’ for a minute when all of a sudden […] More
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