Randy was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused. Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for […] More
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have […] More
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter. The old man says, “I’m a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me […] More
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he […] More
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” To that she replies “Well, come here and I’ll warm them between my […] More
Steve got a job as a lumberjack. And on his first day his boss gave him a chainsaw. “here you go. now get to it.” Steve took the chainsaw, and at the end of the day his boss comes over. “How many did you get?”, he asks. “One”, Steve answers. “wait, how is that possible? […] More
During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat […] More
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk…. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. […] More
Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and […] More
An elderly man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” said the customer. “Okay,” said the bartender. “If you say you paid, you did. The elderly man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn’t keep […] More
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. […] More
A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?” “Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re […] More
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