The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife! He said, “Why? Is she super-hot too? I said, “No, she’s an optometrist!” More
Little Johnny’s father took him on a fishing trip to Canada. On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, “The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!” Little Johnny replied, “Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did.” More
A man went to church one Sunday and afterwards he stopped to shake the hands of the preacher. He said “Preacher, I’ll tell you that was a damned fine sermon, Damned good!” The preacher said “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use that kind of language in the Lords house. The man said […] More
An elderly woman is holding a funeral for her recently deceased husband After the viewing, she discusses how kind and honest of a man her husband was, how she was so sad to see him go, and she bursts into tears. Her nephew, after consoling his mourning aunt, asks “May I say a word”. Through […] More
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE […] More
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears; “ You know what? You have […] More
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it […] More
A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”. Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a lot and was sick all over his shirt. He told his friend, “If I go home like this my wife will […] More
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.” said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndoms in one of his drawers.” said the second […] More
A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. “Gosh!” exclaimed the new bride. “You certainly have a dangerous job. Don’t you ever get bitten by the […] More
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. “What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?” she asked. “Well… I’d have to know a little more about the child,” the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. “He’s […] More
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.” More
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