Andy is put in a cell with a dirt floor and only one window. The window is too high for him to reach. The only thing in the cell is a shovel. He won’t be able to get any food or water and only has two days to escape or he’ll die. Andy can’t dig […] More
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building, When a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce! “ Then another young and beautiful woman gets on […] More
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake for fishing, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut […] More
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.” Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans […] More
Little Johnny was at the mall with his mother when a man came walking toward them. Little Johnny hopped up and down, laughed, pointed, and screamed, “Mommy! Look at that bowlegged man!” His mother was so embarrassed. “Johnny, your manners are atrocious! You need some culture, young man!” For the next month Little Johnny was […] More
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to […] More
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests. ” Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. “Well,” said Mr. Johnson, “I was looking over your test and the question was, […] More
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”. First to recite his poem was the […] More
There was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.’ Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. Whoa there, said the doctor, ‘Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another […] More
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.” Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school […] More
A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train… Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in […] More
On Little Johnny’s first day of school, The teacher asked Johnny what 10+10 is and he said he doesn’t know. So his teacher told him to go home and find out. After school, he went to ask his dad but he was fixing the car. Johnny: Daddy what is 10+10 dad: f*** off can’t you […] More
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