Funny Jokes

Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent…. “Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been 3 months since my last confession. In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh, about nine hundred times, and played with a girl’s private parts.” “Played […] More

Little Johnny was wondering one day and decided to ask his dad… “Dad, how come big dogs can make little dogs and big cats can make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?” Little Johnny’s father replied, “Well Johnny, this sounds like a great quey for your mother.” So off Johnny went […] More

Little Johnny was out hunting with his dad late in the year. Dad comes by to see how Johnny is doing. Johnny says, “Except for my wiener getting cold when I went pee, I’m OK.” His dad tells him, “Well if it gets cold again just rub it a little bit to warm it up!” […] More

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said; “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” Beth replied, “Well Charles, I […] More

The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband… “Buy me a surprise for my birthday!” she said. “Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!” Happy […] More

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his […] More

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, “How was the honeymoon?” “Oh, mama,” she replied, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…” Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned he started using the most horrible […] More

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man. “I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “Oh, please come […] More

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!” Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.” Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.” Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! […] More

A couple, both 78, went to a sex therapist’s office in Winter Haven, Florida. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you ” The man asked, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse ” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way […] More

Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn’t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when […] More

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. “May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.” “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the […] More