A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen […] More
One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want […] More
It’s 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue’s father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bob what they’re planning to do on the date. Bob politely responds that they’ll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue’s father suggests, “Why […] More
A retired man went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. […] More
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for […] More
Death: It’s your time. give me your hand. Blonde: No! i know that if i don’t touch you then I’ll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You’re soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde… Dumbass… More
Son: “Daddy i fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!! “ Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”. Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is […] More
A poor peasant is travelling the woody trails of Sherwood, when a hooded man walks up to him. Robin Hood: “HALT!” “I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!” Peasant: “I have nothing, I’ve been hungry for years you see” Robin Hood: “Very […] More
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible? Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went […] More
Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest! 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 2. Cats look silly on a leash. 3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick […] More
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” To that she replies “Well, come here and I’ll warm them between my […] More
A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?” “Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re […] More
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