Funny Jokes

A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. “What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?” she asked. “Well… I’d have to know a little more about the child,” the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. “He’s […] More

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.” More

An old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says “I want to get a tattoo”. The artist hesitantly replies “Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?” Old lady: “actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right […] More

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking her, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” “She asked, “Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or […] More

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk. “Follow me son” the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they […] More

Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs mating in someone’s yard. The driver says, “That is great. My wife and I do that every night.” The passenger replies, “My wife is conservative, she likes it the old-fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to […] More

Two West Australian rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along when they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size. The first hunter said. “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the! bottom. I wonder how deep it is.” The second hunter […] More

There were two brothers who were always up to some mischief. If somebody had been locked up in his house or if somebody’s dog had been painted green, one always knew who the culprits were the brothers. One day the boys’ mother asked a priest to talk to her sons and put the fear of […] More

“Dad, where did I come from?” asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than […] More

One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. We told him that we knew where he had been, […] More

A young city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. Sturgis! He finally made it. He had several items on his must-do list, and this tavern was one of them. The chilli, he’d been told, was world-famous. As he sits down at the bar, he notices a grizzled old biker with his arms […] More

A wife is running in the park And takes a break to stretch near two men. As she’s stretching, a beautiful woman passes all three of them, and one guy says to the other, “lets go, that’s our pace car,” and they run off. The wife, very perplexed, waits for her husband to come home. […] More